monkstown castle, dublin. sono perche amo. i believe in the transformational power of love. love is the area where we get messed up most. oppression , hits us where we don't expect it. our body ,our soul is a territory partitioned by colonial powers. we live under foreign rule. because we are unable to love ourselves, our heart , our bodies we can't love someone else without suffering. the meaning of our being is corrupted and clouded by lies, indoctrination and confusion: to love.

it is said that Molly Mallone was a fishmonger during the the day and a prostitute at night. i have to say about me that i was a very romantic in love matters until the early hours. got messed up, drank too much, and was too lonely. but those times a over. statue by Jeanne Rynhart in Dublin.

need to work on relationships and boundaries. what is really special about us?. we all eat and drink, shit and piss, masturbate .. what is it that really needs protection?. our traumas?. we live in a traumatising world. that's all common from sexual abuse to other psychological trauma. what is it that prevents us to say: i love myself and i want to be happy and i work on it. Victor Frankl developed his therapy in Auschwitz. he declared essentially that everyone has to find a meaning of , a sense in life for himself. everything else follows from that. what keeps me safe in the moment is the wish to write an essay in political philosophy. a manifest for social and political reform. as long as i write i'm safe.

a new day, a new life without forgetting the realities of life. not lonely but self-reliant.Sandymount Dublin, 2009

playing around with venetian mask.

there are no mysteries. only confusing perspectives.

monkstown castle. when night falls ............. i have those damned suicidal attacks. i can't get affection from people that i love so i phantasise about that they show their affection when i'm dead. this childhood escape phantasy comes back and back. ok my childhood was extreme and confusing and traumatising. but why do i make myself still dependent on other people. i changed attitude. i'm very happy with myself....

i don't want to storm castles anymore. i don't want to kiss awake a sleeping princess anymore - i want to live an adventurous life with a pirate queen. red-haired she must be and she must know how to use a pirate saber and she must know how to command a ship.

My town trier had 100000 inhabitants plus a french garrison of 15000 soldiers, personnel and families. you wouldn't see them, they lived hidden on the hills surrounding the city. there was a rumour that the french stationed in a wood part of their force de wrap, their nuclear missile arsenal. i was 12 and just sneaked through the fence the barbed wire to have al look. i found an enchanting forest full of old tree very wild. i found a handgranade as well. my father wasn't pleased when i brought it home. i got chased out by a military patrol. but who can follow a kid in a dense forest. i go in where others don't go and check out. my favourite movie is Stalker by Andrej Tarkowsky. i love forbidden zones. they attract me. in 1990 i organised a big conference about the civil use of those military sites. i pissed off this fucked up mafia of corrupt politicians and property developers in my city. i'm a radical because i'm a democrat.

Tristan, “he is charming, daring and inventive, and he is ever on the edge of pathos and tragedy. he is gifted but he is extraordinarily vulnerable”. i asked myself: why do we suffer in love?. why are we so scared of love, of deep intimacy , of flow with another being?. the answer: we are systematically under the influence of dark Tantra. procedures to make us unwell in love, in sex, in our relationship to our bodies. someone who can't love himself, can't love someone else truly and deeply. we become weak, scared, unfullfilled, sad, ..... we are easily ruled, because we question love, the mother of freedom and courage.

venus seems to smile back. actionman doesn't get what is going on.

portrait with prism and owl from Athens.

the owl, symbol of Athena. the prism that defracts light and shows us hat it is composed of. a man looking for truth and wisdom. a philosopher

i like actually only two angel myths. the myth of Raphael and Luzifer. someone who fights against this concept of god can't be so bad after all. michael bulgakow wrote the brilliant novel: master and magherita about it.

rest on the walk home. dundrum

always on my mind and in my heart.

a new day, a new life without forgetting the realities of life. not lonely but self-reliant.Sandymount Dublin, 2009

iveagh park. a man turns into a god if he turns into a lover. if our heart is energised, we start to feel ... and we receive the transformational power of love. we turn , we transform into ......................

i love light. sometimes when i face the sun with my eyes closed symbols, like an ancient alphabet flicker on my retina. it feels like the sun is talking to me. telling me: i'm alive, i'm more than a nuclear reactor.

so that's it Michelle, i hope you enjoyed this small collection of memories from Andalucia.

Tantra opened my eyes. Tantra means to weave. i'm weaving my heart, my mind, my libido, my will to live and to express in a pattern. it feels like a wonderful piece of tweed. blu as a basic colour and all colors of the rainbow subtly coming through.

outside, i emphasize outside St. Patrick's hospital.

opposite st. Patricks hospital founded by Jonathan Swift.

but constantly regenerating and adapting old ones.

blu dipinto di blu. blu is a colour of hope for me . blu means to me that everything will work out at the end. times are really tough for me in the moment. work wise, financially, emotionally and romantically. everything will work out. i live in a blu world.this is confirmed by satellite pictures of our planet.

another blu moment. me looking at greek elements in a church entrance in churchtown.

a long time ago in San Giuseppe Jato above Palermo with little Pinta in my arms. San Giuseppe Jato is the birthplace of mafioso Giovanni Brusca who detonated the carbomb that killed anti- mafia investigator Giovanni Falcone his wife Francesca Morvillo and three bodyguards.fathers, husbands, lovers , uncles and friends. 2 months later Paolo Borsellino died together with 5 police men the same way. Borsellino continued his work after Falcones death knowing that his own fate was sealed.where ever you go you find courageous people that stand up and speak out. every law faculty in the world should honor Falcone and Borsellino with a monument to remind students that a mafia is a cancer in the body of society and that not all mafias shoot. that maybe one mafia mafia ruled sicily , but that many political, financial, cultural and economic mafie rule the world. there is work to be done. we need falcone's and borsellino's all over the world. uomini d'onore nell senso delle parole, men and women of honour.

scouting photography locations.

i decided to be a ray of sunshine in other peoples lifes and cut the deep bullshit out.

Raphael and allegory of Eire. she is sad, so melancholic, so traumatised but i see in her face that she knows what she wants, and needs ... there will be a time when she gets up and goes for it.

self-portrait in pink bedroom. wearing an avoca tweed jacket from Oxfam and a Massimo Dutti jacket from the same shop. my first exhibition was in 1992 in a one-world-shop in Oldenburg. It was the Columbus year. Europe was celebrating the discovery of the new world in 1492. it turned in a story of rape, genocide and robbery. please read Eduardo Galeanos "the open veins of latin america". Galeano is my literary hero. my ex. was titled" 500 years later europeans discover and explore themselves". it is time that the members of the ruling culture of the world look into the mirror and see what is really there. do we bring human rights or economic exploitation to the world?, are we peaceful, cultured or are we ruthless and violent?, are we really happy with the lifestyle we wan't to impose on the world?, are we honest, are we hypocritical?. i look at me and honestly i don't know the answer for sure.

there are moments when sweet solitude turns into lonelyness.

where she wants to live. Geoge's arcade. Dublin

playing with a coloured ball. foto by Patrick Cuddihy. concept and digital editing by me.

Raphael and allegory of Eire. she is sad, so melancholic, so traumatised but i see in her face that she knows what she wants, and needs ... there will be a time when she gets up and goes for it.

on my way to a book launch in Dundrum shopping centre. just went and the guy was from barcellona. the book : angels game. his first book sold 12 million times. i talked to him about the influence a city has on people on their thinking, on their spirituality. he said about Barcellona: Barcellona is a woman, she is dangerous, and she likes to dress up. Barcellona i will be back soon and ask you for a dance.

self-portrait in pink bedroom. wearing an avoca tweed jacket from Oxfam and a Massimo Dutti jacket from the same shop. my first exhibition was in 1992 in a one-world-shop in Oldenburg. It was the Columbus year. Europe was celebrating the discovery of the new world in 1492. it turned in a story of rape, genocide and robbery. please read Eduardo Galeanos "the open veins of latin america". Galeano is my literary hero. my ex. was titled" 500 years later europeans discover and explore themselves". it is time that the members of the ruling culture of the world look into the mirror and see what is really there. do we bring human rights or economic exploitation to the world?, are we peaceful, cultured or are we ruthless and violent?, are we really happy with the lifestyle we wan't to impose on the world?, are we honest, are we hypocritical?. i look at me and honestly i don't know the answer for sure.

me sitting in Marlay Park writing philosophical essays, aphorisms, political manifestos, love poems and fairy tales. not to forget a movie about my life.

red meditation on my erotic past, present and desires for the future.

blu meditation about my personality. according to the Keirsey temperament sorter i'm a healer Idealist with a very narrow preference of feeling over thinking. the Myerss-Briggs sorts me as a Rational Architect with a narrow preference for thinking. That's my problem. i'm a poet and a thinker at the same time always asking whether to follow his belly or his brain. in the last years i strengthened my analytical, critical and creative thinking skills. i established a few procedures taken from informal logic to evaluate my conclusions. i want to become more rational without loosing my feelings. it's tough in times of crisis but it seems to work out well.

no words, just a body.

self-portrait in relation to darwins birthday. can we live in two worlds at the same time?. in the world of science and passion, poetry and mathematics, candlelight and x-rays. can we apply the scientific method and at the same time not forget our pathetic, erratic quest to make sense out of our existence?.

sunrise without the colours of a sunrise.

am i mad?. please comment!.

just playing around.

saint raphael. a befriended photographer promised me too attach wings to my back.

me on tranquiliser 2 years ago in the garden. i'm so happy to be off the stuff and to be alive again. The stuff is called Zyprexa and is a so called major tranquillizer. it robs you of your personality, numbs your feelings, suppresses good and bad memories but gives you sleep and boredom. useful in crisis treatment but close to dangerous in longterm use. makes the producer 6.2 billion dollar a year turnover. the stuff makes you fat too. cheaper than psychotherapy. Mary Haney wants it cheap. we pay.

athens proctectress of Athens. no wonder that the birtplace of democracy and philosophy was protected by a female goodess.

i like actually only two angel myths. the myth of Raphael and Luzifer. someone who fights against this concept of god can't be so bad after all. michael bulgakow wrote the brilliant novel: master and magherita about it.

in iveagh park reading Dr. Corrys' book: going mad

explorer of the own unconscious. my life looked like a rubbish bin full of traumatic events, like a tree uprooted by a storm but my emotions my will were numbed down by a strong tranquilizer.coming off the tranquilizer the traumas bubbled up in a very painful and upsetting way. but my mind whom i trained in courses and, with books and with my writing in the last years saved me one time after the other and came up with with solutions when i thought i was about having a nervous breakdown. now my life turns into a story. a sad story that i can tell. telling a story gives hope to write a new story. a story of serenity, accomplishment, passion and happiness most of the time. i finally start to look into the future. shape it and try to enjoy the present to enjoy the people around me, my food, music, poetry, my city.

in the museo y lara, in ronda , andalucia beside the Maria of nuremburg, the stretchbank, the iron cage, the guillotine, the garote, ... torquemada and the holy inquisition.